


The Phantom Thieves' Chat

by SonicLozDPLove



Category: Persona 5, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Bayonetta will appear later, Joker is drama queen, Joker was adopted by Kurusu family, Makoto fails at crowd control, Persona 5 Spoilers, Post-Game(s), Ryuji needs to watch his mouth, Sojiro will appear later, Thieves' be messing with Mishimmi's site, also a cat, changed his fucking name, chatroom, futaba is Joker's little sis, mama bayonetta
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-24 00:05:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17090291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonicLozDPLove/pseuds/SonicLozDPLove
Summary: Based on a bunch of stuff that happened on Discord! Here's the Phantom Thieves chatroom fic where post-game the thieves' all decide to create a chat feature on the Phantsite where they can interact with various fans based on various headcanons and crazy stuff goin on in Discord!!!





	1. The First Log

**_Oracle_ ** **has Created Chatroom “The Thieves are Here!”**

**_Skull_ ** **has Logged On**

**_Panther_ ** **has Logged On**

**_Queen_ ** **has Logged On**

**_Fox_ ** **has Logged On**

**_Noir_ ** **has Logged On**

_Skull_ : Yo! What’s this!?

 _Panther_ : A chatroom? On the Phansite!?

 _Fox_ : It would seem so…

 _Oracle_ : Keke! I thought it’d be a good idea to connect a special chatroom to the site so ppl can RSVP us!

 _Skull_ : YOOOO!!! You mean like… talking to ur fans and shit!?

 _Queen_ : But… isn’t this dangerous? What if someone hacks us!?

 _Noir_ : Yes Oracle-Chan, didn’t you say once that it was a bad idea for us to make any comments on the site? Something about even anonymous conversations being able to be tracked?

 _Oracle_ ; Do you double my skill? Don’t underestimate the original MedJed! I have protections in place… Kekeke!

**_Joker_ ** **has Logged On**

_Joker_ : What is this?

 _Skull_ : Ah and there’s the fearless leader himself!

 _Panther_ : ‘Bout time! What the heck took you so long!?

 _Joker_ : I had to help Boss in the café. What is this?

 _Oracle_ : Isn’t it neat, Nii-sama? We can use this chat to talk to ppl on the Phansite without worrying about any hackers and police tracking us!

 _Skull_ : Little Sis set it all up, RenRen! It’s awesome!

 _Queen_ : I’d like to mention that it would probably be a good idea to set a few rules before we go public with this…

 _Panther_ : Well, yes that might be a good idea… how about “Nobody is allowed to ask us our identities”

 _Skull_ : Well duh! That’s a given!

 _Fox_ : I’d like for there to be a rule against cyberstalking as well… having my notifications pinging every waking hour is not conductive to a creative mindset.

 _Oracle_ : Still dealing with that art block, huh Inari?

 _Joker_ : Mona says everyone must be careful not to reveal any of our identities ourselves, which means we use codenames **at all times**. I agree

 _Panther_ : Aw right and if we post any pictures or videos we have to be careful not to show our faces or any places we spend a large amount of time in!

 _Skull_ : So, no selfie!?

 _Joker_ : No Skull

 _Queen_ : Oh and no going onto the chat during class! It’s bad enough with the personal chat, we don’t need you guys doing that here

 _Noir_ : Well, I don’t suppose that will be a problem with me. I am not very good with machines afterall

 _Skull_ : So like, what are we waiting for!? We’re all in agreement, right?

 _Queen_ : Technically we haven’t had a vote

 _Panther_ : This would be a good opportunity tho

 _Fox_ : But what if someone hacks the server?

 _Oracle_ : I have protections in place 😉

 _Oracle_ : Oh hold on one more thing!

**_Mona_ ** **has been Invited to the Chat**

_Oracle_ : Now Kitty can join too!

 _Skull_ : No way! The damn cat has a chat too!?

 _Panther_ : That’s awesome, _Oracle_!

 _Fox_ : But… Morgana doesn’t have any hands… or a phone

 _Oracle_ : I’m figuring it out as we speak! Until we can find a way for Kitty to type on their own we’ll just have to type out what he says for him!

 _Joker_ : Sounds about right

 _Skull_ : Heh, this is gonna be fun!

 _Panther_ : Wait wait wait! We’re the _Phantom Thieves_ and we’re about the meet our fanbase for the first time on a personal level! We gotta make it big!

 _Fox:_ She’s right!!

 _Skull:_ Shit we gotta do something BIG for this! GUYS!!!

 _Oracle:_ Leave it to me! I’ll make sure our debut is worthy of the Phantom Thief name!

 _Queen:_ You’re all so dramatic…

 _Joker:_ Let them be… it’ll be fun!

 _Queen:_ Of course you’d be onboard for this… _You’re the most dramatic one of us all!_

 _Joker:_ Excuse me

 _Queen:_ Remind me who’s idea it was to _let himself be captured after jumping out a window!_

 _Joker:_ Who came up with that plan?

_Queen: You…_

_Dfkj;_

_UGH YOU’RE THE WORST!!!_

_Oracle:_ Alright we’re almost on! I’ll lock the previous conversation so no one but us can see it!

 _Skull:_ Aw man this is gonna be so _cool!_

 _Panther:_ Oh I wonder what I should say! Maybe a catchphrase? Or maybe just a simple hello…

 _Fox:_ It must be pleasing to the eye! A picture maybe? No…

 _Joker:_ Alright you three, Settle Down. We don’t want to go overboard.

 _Queen:_ Let’s just wait for them to make the first move, okay?

_Skull: Okayyy_

_Panther:_ You’re no fun!

 _Oracle:_ Alright! System uplink is ready! We just need the signal from our esteemed leader!

 _Joker:_ Just give me one second…

_Skull: ?_

_Joker:_ Alright… it’s cool with the owner of the site

 _Panther:_ Oh! That’s right! We totally forgot to ask if it was alright with him!

_Joker: Alright!_

_It’s Showtime!_

_Oracle:_ Alright! System uplink in

            3

            2

            1!

**_System Uplink Activated_ **


	2. First Log

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first log, Let's see how the thieves' introduce themselves to the masses

**System Uplink Activated**

**Chatroom Activated**

**New Chat Created: “The Thieves are Here”**

_Oracle:_ MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!!!

_Panther:_ We have a HUGE announcement to make!

_Queen:_ Brought to you straight from us, the Phantom Thieves of Heart!

_Fox:_ Thanks to our comrade Oracle…

_Skull:_ WE NOW HAVE THE ABILITY TO INTERACT WITH EVERYBODY!!!

_Noir:_ So we can help even without needing to steal hearts!

_Skull:_ Not that we aren’t gonna stop forcing any corrupt criminals and rotten adults to rediscover humanity and be decent people!

_Queen:_ But this way we’ll be able to address your _concerns_ directly!

_Noir:_ And we get to say hi to each and every one of you!

_Skull:_ And Now, a word from our Leader!!

_Joker:_ It’s true. Oracle set this chatroom up with the permission of the admin so that we could be able to interact with the people on this site, both to get to know our fanbase more and as a reward of sorts for supporting us through everything. There are of course, going to be rules.

_Queen:_ First and foremost, as thieves we will not tolerate any probing questions about either our methodology or our identities! Any information of such you gain will be freely given by us.

_Skull:_ Second! No hazing us just because we don’t immediately jump on a request! We may be capable of a lot but we’re only a small group with our own lives to live outside of our night jobs! On top of that we also hold a rule that no major heist will happen without unanimous agreement

_Fox:_ Cyberbullying and stalking will not be tolerated either, like Skull said: We have our own lives to live too. Constant notifications pinging my phone up is hardly a conductive environment for my daytime profession and I can confirm that our leader has several jobs and responsibilities outside of leading us to attend to. It is a rare day when our leader has a completely free day

_Panther:_ Also, we don’t like creeps and perverts who try to ask the female members of the group to do weird stuff! I can guarantee that all of us have been victims of rotten adults and corrupt authority before we formed or joined up, and nobody tolerates any of that stuff!!!

_Noir:_ I second that! I barely managed to escape from a forced marriage with a perverted creep when I joined the Thieves!!!

_Queen:_ Yes, that’s something I will not tolerate in any form

_Oracle:_ No trying to hack into our accounts to track us either… I’m a skilled hacker myself as you’ve no doubt seen already, and it would be very bad for you and your hard drives if you tried to bypass the protections I placed.

_Joker:_ We all have the right to deny any request you make of us as well. Part of what enables us to take these requests is if specific requirements are met. If they are not we cannot do much.

_Mona:_ Mwahahaha! If the heart isn’t distorted, we can’t change it!

_Skull: WTF!?_

_Panther:_ Aaaand Skull ruined it…

_Mona:_ Nice going Skull! We were trying to keep the Phantom Thief mystique!

_Fox:_ Our Aesthetic!!! It has been Ruined!!!

_Noir: Aww… thanks for ruining our fun Skull-kun!_

_Queen: *Sigh*_ It really isn’t that important…

_Oracle:!!!! NOT THAT IMPORTANT!?_

_Noir: Au Contraire, Queen-senpai!_ When it comes to being a phantom thief, _presentation is everything!_

_Joker:_ That’s enough…

_Oracle: But... Leader!!!_

_Skull:_ Aw man!!! We haven’t even gotten the first question yet!!!

_Panther: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO RUINED IT YOU JERK!!!_

_Anon:_ Um… is this real?

_Anon: No way! This gotta be a prank!!!_

_Anon:_ WHAT IF IT’S REAL THO

_Anon: Is it??? Is it really them???_

_Anon: YO!_ Phantom Thieves’ waddup!!!

_Skull: AAAYYYYE! Not much waddup with youuu!!!_

_Anon:_ It’s them…

_Anon: HOW DID YOU KNOW!?  
Anon: _The broadcast… one of them seemed like a memer.

_Panther:_ That easy???

_Anon:_ So uh… What exactly do you guys do when you aren’t thieves! Like, occupational wise.

_Panther:_ Um… well most of us don’t really…

_Queen:_ We’re all still students, so we don’t necessarily have jobs. Some of us however, such as Leader, do hold a part time job.

_Skull:_ You say that like he just takes a few shifts at a local burger joint for some extra allowance or something xD

_Panther: IKR!?_

_Fox:_ Didn’t I see him take a shift at a local restaurant and then intern for a politician between volunteering at a doctor’s office just the other day? And that’s not even counting the fact he assisted his guardian in running the café…

_Oracle:_ UGH TELL ME ABOUT IT! When was the last time you slept in, Joker!? That time we had to threaten to tie you to the bed when you got sick!?

_Joker:_ I’ll have you know I get plenty of rest.

_Mona:_ Only because _I_ make you get it!!! Jeez, you’d forget to e _at_ if it weren’t for me!

_Anon:_ O.O’

_Anon: …wow…_

_Anon:_ PLZ TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

_Anon: Sleeep Joker!!! Pleeease_

_Anon: BED NOW!!!_

_Joker:_ …

            It’s noon

_Anon: **BED!!!**_

_Oracle:_ Lol that anon sounds like Mona!

_Mona:_ Hey! I do not sound that pushy!

_Skull:_ What are you talkin about! You’re the pushiest one of all, cat!

_Oracle:_ Yep! Your always telling Joker and us what to do!

_Makoto:_ You do have a habit of acting like you’re the leader instead…

_Panther:_ C’mon! Lay off the guy… he isn’t like the rest of us! He probly needs to feel important

_Noir:_ Mona-Chan is just fine how he is!!!

_Panther:_ Even tho he is kinda pushy…

_Mona: I AM NOT!!! Tell them I’m not Joker!_

_Joker:_ …

_Mona:_ Joker?

_Joker:_ …

_Mona:_ Come on!!! I can see you pretending to be asleep there! _Don’t hide from this Joker!!!_

_Anon:_ Pfftlol

_Anon:_ Mona confirmed for pushy diva

_Mona:_ I AM NOT A KID!!!

_Skull:_ Well, ya kinda are… I mean… you were born only a couple years ago right? If you could call that being born…

_Mona: Skull I swear to the Velvet Room I will ogvjllllllllllfskrhtiqeolkjaf_

_Panther:_ What the…

_Joker:_ I took his phone…

_Skull: Ha!_ Nice!

_Joker:_ Skull…

_Skull:_ Uh, yeah Leader?

_Joker:_ You and I need to have a chat.

**_Joker_ ** **left the chat**

_Skull: Aw SHIT!!!_

**_Skull_ ** **left the chat**

_Oracle:_ Welp, our leader’s gone… what now?

_Panther:_ Haha! Skull got in trouble~

_Queen:_ Panther please don’t provoke them…

_Noir:_ Oh dear...

_Anon:_ um… will Skull be alright?

_Anon: Y-yah your leader won’t hurt him… right?_

_Panther:_ Aw he’ll be fine!

_Anon:_ But… the news said that Joker had a criminal record!

_Anon: Yeah it was assault wasn’t it?_

_Panther:_ Look I know the news said that… and sure, Joker did have a record before meeting us. But that was all a lie! Joker couldn’t even hurt a fly!!!

_Noir:_ It’s true… Joker was a victim himself. We all were!

_Oracle:_ I have the files to prove it! The guy who accused him of assault had used his power to force the witness to testify against Joker! Nii-sama was innocent!!!

_Panther:_ Joker was trying to save that girl from the guy! He was the one harassing her and when he slipped and fell, he turned it all on Joker!!! Ooh! I wish I could just beat him up for putting our leader through all that crap!

_Noir:_ He deserves more than that! I’ll never forgive him!!!

_Queen:_ All the evidence points to Joker being an innocent bystander who was simply trying to help that poor girl. Also, girls plz calm down!

_Panther:_ As if you aren’t itching to shove one of Anat’s spiky-toed feet up his ass, Queen!!!

_Queen:_ While that may be true… it’s done and over with.

_Mona:_ Whoa… did I miss a party?

_Noir:_ Mona-Chan! How did you get your phone back?

_Mona:_ Noir, someone with my skills could get it back easily! I just snuck it past Joker while he was busy talking to that idiot Skull! Impressive right, Lady Panther?

_Panther:_ Hey… where’s Fox?

_Mona: Lady Panther!!! D:_

_Oracle:_ Inari? You’re right! He has been AFK for awhile!

_Queen: @Fox_ are you alright?

_Oracle: btw Joker has totally stopped scolding Skull. They’re talking about video games now now lol_

_Mona:_ SRSLY!?

_Panther: FOX WHERE ARE YOUUU!!!_

_Anon:_ @Fox plz?

_Anon:_ We want to talk to yoooouuuu!!!

_Oracle:_ Yeah, Nii-sama’s too much of a softie to srsly scold any of us, you know that, Kitty!

_Mona:_ Mrrrr that is so unfair! I knocked over a coffee cup and he layed into me but Skull potentially discloses information on my identity and he just gets a conversation about video games!?

_Oracle:_ You knocked it onto his head on purpose because he wouldn’t go along with something you wanted. Skull just put his foot in his mouth.

_Mona: But!_

_Panther:_ Mona… no one’s gonna believe anything we disclose about you… you’re the safest one in the entire group!

_Queen:_ FOX!!! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!!!!

_Fox: ... What is it?_

_Panther:_ FOX FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!

_Fox:_ I do not understand…

_Panther: Where were you!?_

_Fox:_ Painting. I had thought that obvious!

_Oracle: Okay! Y’know what, end of log! We’re missing our leader and Inari clearly doesn’t care!!!_

_TBC_


End file.
